[He should pretend it's okay. Laugh it off. "Haha, my mom's a psycho!"
Rolling the ring around between his fingers, he stares at the stars on it, counting them mindlessly.
This is something that's weighed on him before. Gentaro's talked about some of his fears, his jealousy. It got Dice thinking about his own fears again, too. The fear of being trapped in a loveless household. The fear of being criticized just for living his life. The fear of being berated, held to an impossible standard, never being enough.]
...you think I don't know what I am? That I'm a fuck-up? That everyone's happier if I'm doing what I'm told, or staying quiet and out of the fuckin' way? My whole damn family's better off without me. Fuck them.
[A sigh wrenches its way out, heavy and long.]
Man, I know you deserve better, I just... I fucked up. I always fuck up. I'm gonna keep fucking up. That's all I'm good for, right? You're marrying a loser.
[He remembers that one time he told Gentaro that he felt like he was accepted for who he was. And he wonders if it's true. They don't talk about such things, after all, about issues or needs or problems or anything they don't absolutely have to address.]
no subject
[He should pretend it's okay. Laugh it off. "Haha, my mom's a psycho!"
Rolling the ring around between his fingers, he stares at the stars on it, counting them mindlessly.
This is something that's weighed on him before. Gentaro's talked about some of his fears, his jealousy. It got Dice thinking about his own fears again, too. The fear of being trapped in a loveless household. The fear of being criticized just for living his life. The fear of being berated, held to an impossible standard, never being enough.]
...you think I don't know what I am? That I'm a fuck-up? That everyone's happier if I'm doing what I'm told, or staying quiet and out of the fuckin' way? My whole damn family's better off without me. Fuck them.
[A sigh wrenches its way out, heavy and long.]
Man, I know you deserve better, I just... I fucked up. I always fuck up. I'm gonna keep fucking up. That's all I'm good for, right? You're marrying a loser.
[He remembers that one time he told Gentaro that he felt like he was accepted for who he was. And he wonders if it's true. They don't talk about such things, after all, about issues or needs or problems or anything they don't absolutely have to address.]