chronicgambler | IC INBOX for Prisma

I used to think I knew what love was and what it was not. What chemicals and physical reactions it could cause. How it could make you do terribly senseless things. A poor author’s attempts at dissecting the unknown through observation. But then I fell in love with you. It was the easiest decision of my life.

Edited 2020-01-27 05:46 (UTC)

ive never felt like this in my life
im scared of it and im scared im going to turn into some kind of monster or get weird or mess this up in some way i havent even managed to imagine yet
i never thought about what love was until you happened
even your stories back home got me thinking about it like whats love in stories and whats real for real people?
im not sure im doing any of this right but every time you smile at me i feel like it's okay even if i dont
like even if l mess up youll give me another chance

i love you and i hope you know i mean that with my whole everything

I didn't mean to do this. I didn't mean to fall in love. I didn't mean to let anyone see me like this. But I don't regret any of it.

Perhaps I lied when I said it was a decision. More an inevitability. I hadn’t felt alive in over five years. So thank you. Not for loving me, not for having the courage to kiss me. Thank you for being you. Unapologetically you. I truly love that about you.

u r the only person who has ever even thought that abt me
i dont know the best way to tell u how special u r to me or how much i love waking up beside u and holding u at night and seeing u when i get home from w/e or seeing u when u come home n i just want to be able to tell u that all the time even if u dont need to hear it

idk what i was doing with my life before u

u r so smart and ur raps are like poetry n maybe i never made it all the way through one of ur books but sometimes id try bc they were good

( he’s so in love with this earnest, humble gambler. )

Is that so? Flip to the last page of the piece I’m looking to publish that I left out for you the other night.

( should he do that, the last page has the following. )

★
to the only star in my sky

yours, always

[He sends back a picture of the last page. He hasn't finished reading the manuscript yet but he'll work even harder at it now.]

is that for me?

And if it was?

are u coming home soon?

Unlocking the door now. ♥

[Dice is off the couch before the door is even open, and the second Gentaro steps inside he rushes over to him and throws his arms around him. His face is pressed to Gentaro's shoulder, his hands are balled into fists at his boyfriend's back, and he's doing nothing short of clinging.]

( that’s... something? gentaro is surprised, blinks, and gently presses a hand to dice’s shoulder blades. )

Hello, Dice.

[Dice doesn't say anything at first, just clinging, breaths obviously irregular, forced. But he seems to soothe after a full minute, at which point he pulls away and in fact fully turns around so he can quickly wipe a sleeve over his face.

There might be a damp spot on Gentaro's clothes.]

You gonna publish it with that in it?

( why is his back to him? what are emotions. please explain. he tips his head to the side, pensive. )

That’s my intention, yes. Printed in ink.

( to clarify??? )

For me...

[He puts his hands behind his head, trying to look casual before he turns back around. At least when he does, he's smiling broadly.]

You wrote a whole book for me?

( a soft smile appears. ah, ok, he didn’t break him. good. )

I did, yes. I told you I would.

( he taps his lips thoughtfully. )

It’s my longest piece yet.

I'm not done with it yet! I'm gonna stay up all night and read it tonight, just so I can see how it ends.

[Dice, who hasn't spent more than an hour at a time reading...]

Don’t stay up all night. ( but he reaches out to brush dice’s bangs back. )

You’ll have to tell me what you think. It’s for you, after all.

( him and his turbo gay dedication. )

[Right. There hasn't been a night since they started dating that they've slept apart. Tonight wouldn't be a great time to start.]

So far, I really like it... I think the, uh, probably the thief is my favorite character! The whole twist that he's the king of the bandits? I didn't see it coming!

( ah, excellent. his favorite character is gentaro. perfect. just as planned. his expression softens and he tilts his head to the side. )

You’ll greatly enjoy the ending, then.

( spoilers: the kings run away together and are pseudo-married by “bandit” standards and rituals. )

[Dice just grins, broad and happy beyond anything he can honestly describe. He doesn't always feel like he deserves Gentaro, like maybe the author is going to wake up one day and realize he made a grave mistake in loving someone as unpredictable and wild as he is. But beneath the gambler, the risk-taker, there's always been a Dice who cares, who encourages others and bolsters them. He's the anchor for a reason. Even if he doesn't quite understand the extent of his own love, and how broadly and freely and deeply he gives it, he still knows there's something there. He suspects he's a diamond in the rough these days, if only because Fling Posse gave him purpose and Gentaro gave him the whole fucking world.

He's eager to go read more. The fallen king in the story has just met the thief and the scientist, and their threads have only just come together. Dice won't anticipate or try to guess the ending, even if Stella is ingrained in his heart. He's enjoying everything Gentaro wrote... for him.]

It'll knock me over, I bet! You wanna sit with me while I read? It's still early, and I don't work tonight.

Of course.

( there’s a twist of a smile at the suggestion. it’s been a long day for gentaro and the idea of watching dice read, sitting up with him? god it’s so — simple and comforting. he never thought he’d have that.

he easily steps back and then reaches for dice’s hand, intertwining their fingers. )

Grab the manuscript and meet me in bed. You can read it there as I write.

( and play with dice’s hair as he reads. )

["Of course." Just like that, and Dice feels a weird, spacey lightness take him for a moment. Of course Gentaro just wants to exist next to him? They're getting so comfortable that he wonders why this feels like a treasure being offered.

Before he knows it, Gentaro is holding his hand, and he moves in to give him a soft, thoughtful kiss.]

Yeah. Won't take me a sec. I'm gonna change, too.

[Please, he's about to read shirtless in bed with his head on Gentaro's shoulder, or maybe eventually his chest or his lap. It's so stupidly domestic it ought to make him rethink his life, but... no. It feels like a dream. He lives for these little things.]

( please, his lap is the most domestic. he’ll gladly allow it. while dice grabs the manuscript, gentaro sheds his layers. he goes down to boxers and slips a thin bathrobe on as he grabs his book and pen from the kitchen.

it’s — new. having somebody around when he writes, as he unwinds. it’s nice to have dice idly kiss him or. ....

either way, he gets into bed, on the covers, and sits up against the headboard as he thumbs open his notebook. )

[Dice gets down to his own boxers and some loose sleep pants before climbing into bed beside Gentaro, the manuscript tucked under his arm. It's probably the most carefully kept item Dice has had in his possession in years. There's a ribbon being used as a bookmark, and he scoots closer to Gentaro as he opens the pages and slides the ribbon out. He offers Gentaro a quick kiss on the temple then, comfortably nestled against his author, he starts reading.

He must be a delight, because he reacts to everything. If something shocking happens, there's a little "ah!" If it's funny, he laughs. A few times he nudges Gentaro and points out a passage, asking for clarification on imagery or a term he doesn't know. Eventually, though, he gets so engrossed in it that he stops reacting. He leans forward slightly, deeply invested in the text, and eventually leans back against the pillows with a soft huff, staring up at the ceiling.

He definitely just got to the, ahem, part about the bandit and the king hooking up. The lead up is dangerous and full of action mixed with beautiful words and intense emotions, where the bandit had been hiding his feelings and finally let them overflow. It hits Dice hard to see someone who he's definitely picturing with Gentaro's face having strong, plainly stated emotions. For him to be so raw and real when he's so used to keeping everyone at a distance must've been hard on the guy, Dice thinks, always full of empathy for the characters.

Maybe the scene faded to black, so to speak, but Dice's imagination is leaping and he's thinking about this way too much.]

text

1/2: what he sends

2/2: what he doesn't send

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject